Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Cutting Severed Ties

Please excuse and forgive my rant about the phone company about Rogers (the phone company in Canada). Prior to my rant, I was going out regularly and enjoying the mild weather (uncommon for this time of year I was told). I spent some time with the other halfie which has since stopped. I am not trying to be mean or hurtful, but after an evening out where I felt like I was constantly being attacked I stopped communicating with her altogether. *Sigh* I suppose that as an expat this is bound to happen, but it's still unpleasant.

I’ve been trying to put myself out there more-psychologically and physically. Neither is easy in this country, as I have discovered. The other halfie and I were out a few weeks ago and she was discussing Reiki with me. I had heard of it before, but only in passing. As she discussed Reiki, the conversation turned into something that I became extremely uncomfortable with.

While I appreciated the information session (no sarcasm intended), it became an overwhelmingly awkward conversation where my faith was slandered and my high standards and expectations were called into question. Although I have high standards and expectations, I have never imposed them on others (at least I hope I haven’t). It’s the same with my faith. I don’t preach, try to convert or even defend my faith; it’s not my style. My feeling is that I respect that you have your opinion, so please respect that I have mine.

Prior to this awkward conversation I had to endure a conversation [with her] where I was being told I have to just let go and find the positive from all of the loss I’ve endured as a way to completely move past those experiences. I agree to a certain point, but this kind of advice is patronizing and disrespectful, especially when the person touting hasn’t gone through the same experience(s). As my family and friends know, I’m already a stubborn person by nature, so it’s no surprise that I do not appreciate people trying to tell me who I am/will become, how I will think, what I will do in the future, blah, blah, blah.

I think my negative reaction stems from the countless conversations I’ve had with people about my decision not to have children—a very controversial subject I learned early on. I am always annoyed with people when they tell me that I will change my mind about my decision. People assume they know that I will change my mind. I am 31 years old and have thought long and hard about this issue. My mother and my doctors strongly suggested that I forgo having children, and I made a decision, one that I have never taken lightly, not to have children. This is MY choice since I would be carrying one, or multiple, children for 9 months. It is MY body and I am not willing to risk my health when I know how blessed I am to be alive today (I had a close brush with death as a child). Go ahead, judge me. Call me selfish, but before you do either know that I’ve never felt a twinge of maternal longing that lasted more than 2 minutes. Then read this article so you understand people’s potential reasons for being childless: I digress…

I have loved spending time with the other halfie because I believe she has good intentions at heart, but I needed to walk away from our short-lived friendship. I should have seen the warning signs, but my desire to see the best in others always clouds my vision. So, one friend less have I. Thankfully, I’m still blessed to have some awesome people in my life!

Up next: adventures hunting for bookstores in Kuwait! <It sounds like a horribly boring disclaimer trying to be interesting, hahaha!


  1. Hey! Its been a while since I've stopped by to read so just wanted to pop in and say hi! I'm sorry you lost a friend. But, I guess when things become too awkward or uncomfortable, it is time to move on. Especially when your faith comes into the picture.

    I am a little surprised how you don't want children at all but I guess to each his own. Can I ask if its something medically related? Or is that too personal a question? I'm probably the worst mum in the world (I have a beautiful 2 year old) but she is my everything. Please don't think I'm telling you that you will :-)

    and no, the adventures of finding a bookstore is not boring at all! haha.. looking forward to it :-)

    1. Hi Layla! Thank you so much for your comment! I haven't been blogging as much because work has been so busy.

      It's never easy letting go of people, but it just wasn't working. I still love her dearly and want the best for her :D

      I don't want children for a lot of reasons: medical, environmental, emotional (selfish and non-selfish) and professional reasons (my job-I love working!). I think the best moms doubt their capability ;)

      The bookstore hunt is ongoing! That post will be up soon!

      Take care and have a WONDERFUL weekend, Layla!